Beware of toxic behaviours

Toxic Behaviours Can Cause Emotional Harm

People aren’t toxic of course they’re not.  But their behaviour can be enormously toxic.  So recognise and beware.

I suffered recently by such behaviour when my son was seriously ill, losing weight, unable to eat properly because he couldn’t keep it down.  Eventually he couldn’t eat at all.  His doctor, for 17 months, was pussyfooting around telling him he had IBS and there wasn’t anything he could do.  By the time he realised that this wasn’t IBS my son was in a really bad way.  In the end my son ended up an emergency patient admitted to hospital through an emergency endoscopy which diagnosed him with colitis in acute flare due to being left so long.

That Doctor’s behaviour was toxic and caused a severe amount of stress because he controlled the situation continuously denying anything serious was wrong.  He wouldn’t listen to my son and the whole family was left feeling ignored, high and dry without anyone seeming to care less if my son lived or died.  The attitude of that Doctor was rigid and controlling.  That’s what I mean by toxic behaviour.

There are loads of people around who have exactly the same attitude – they are control fans and can cause havoc for people who have the misfortune to be around them.  Imagine a boss who is a control fan. And even when they’re wrong they’re right, they make everybody else go along with being wrong, then when they’re found out, who gets the blame?  Not ever them, that’s for sure.

If you get emotionally damaged by such a person – you may need to get help from your Doctor.  That’s what I did.  I tried the meditation, journaling and creative art therapy and they all worked fine to keep me going through it, but at the end of it all, I needed help from the Doctor.

So please don’t be afraid to ask for help.

That’s a serious lesson to learn,   Too many times you feel you have to “tough” it out.  Or you’re ashamed you can’t cope with things on your own.  But that attitude is outdated and worn out.  The smart people today get help.  Because they recognise it not as a weakness, but a strength.  And that’s the truth.

Do the smart thing and seek help when you need it.

Avoid Those who Want to Control You


In some cases, like mine, we didn’t have much of a choice.  By the time we’d figured out just how controlling this bloke was, it was too late to change Doctors and start all over again.  So if you find yourself stuck, don’t be afraid to ask for help, you may well need an antidepressant to help you cope with that type of stress caused by helplessness over a situation.

But most of all beware of people who have controlling behaviour.  You often find them in positions of power and control which masquerades as leadership.  It’s not leadership – it’s dangerous to Mental Health to those who have the misfortune to work in their employ.

How Can I Spot Them?


The Big Interview to be found at this address:

Have these good points:

What are some of the telltale signs of a controller you might be able to spot in a job interview?

  • Do their stories or comments betray trust issues with people they work with?
  • Do they seem comfortable in telling about how they function working as part of a team? (Remember that most job applicants know you want them to work closely with others.)
  • Do they describe themselves as perfectionists too often?
  • Do they interrupt you to make their own points?
  • Do they seem bored or not to be listening closely when you are doing the talking?
  • Do they regard being stubborn as one of their strengths?

One other point not mentioned above can be a major sign:  Control freak leaders always micromanage – this is because they think their way of doing a job is always right.  If you think this attitude might put them in the firing line, believe it or not, it doesn’t, because control fans are never wrong so be prepared to take the blame for their mistakes and wrong ways of doing a job.

You may be in a relationship with a controlling personality.  They begin by exhibiting traits you could interpret as caring and looking after you.  Only later will you notice – “Hey this person is taking over my life”.  Suddenly they’re criticising you over simple things and then over things you know about very well, and it progresses to “put downs” in front of other people.

This isn’t a solely male trait – it’s male and female.  If you find you’re a control fan, I suggest you work on your self-esteem, self-confidence issues.  Insecurity is at the heart of having a controlling nature. Because you don’t trust others you tend to take over and do everything yourself, or micromanage everybody around you.  So work on your own issues and that way you can learn to trust others and gradually let go of your controlling nature.


That’s your mission – get control of life.  Learn to make your own decisions and stand by them.  Trust yourself to be right.

If you cannot regain power of your life because of your work position.  I would seriously consider getting a transfer or getting another job. Being in a situation under the power and control of somebody else can be crippling and stressful.

Life is too short.  You need to act now!

Stand up and say, “Enough is enough”.  And remember this quote – pin it somewhere you can always see it:

Don’t settle. Don’t finish crappy books. If you don’t like the menu, leave the restaurant. If you’re not on the right path, get off it.

Chris Brogan

That’s it for this time, as usual, take care and remember,


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